I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
