Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
