the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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