i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
