He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
