Where is the hickey?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
