i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
