Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
