Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
