I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
