I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
