Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
