Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
