If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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