I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i came on her dog
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
