I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
