Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
