Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I understand Curling. That high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
