just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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