Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
