I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
