Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
