Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
