Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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