i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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