Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
