his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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