She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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