so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
