Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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