Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
