She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
4 words: hood of his car
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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