at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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