you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
