when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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