why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
