If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
