shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
