What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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