I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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