my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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