I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
