where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
