Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
