You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There r osticjed everywhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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