ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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