I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
