Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
