but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
