The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
