nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
