i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
